You smell like cigarette smoke and dirty intentions.

we are caught up in the current of something great.

Everthing hurts

in the most pleasant way possible.

The Holidays are Always Hard

I can tell by the subtle changes in my thoughts,

The tightness of my skin,

The heaviness of my body,

it must be winter.

I have a few things to say to you.

You know who you are,

And if you are not said person being addressed,

I implore you to mind your own god damn life

and see yourself away from this post.

First and foremost,

I want you to go back

to 12-26-10

on this very blog.

Read the second half

of that day's post.

It was addressed to you.

No, not all of it applies anymore,

but many truths remain.

Once you finish that task,

I want you to stop.

And breathe.

Clear your mind.

Keep breathing.

Ok, good.

Here are the things I couldn't say to you earlier.

It is not as eloquent as I wished,

but this is my message to you.

In no particular order,

I wish for you to know:

1) You are stronger than you give yourself credit.

You just have a problem with acting on impulse.

Step back.

Breath.

Then decide.

ok?

2) Some things don't have a formula.

You can't perform statistical analysis on human beings.

Sometimes you aren't going to know everything

about everyone.

Their motives, condition of heart, or thoughts.

And that is ok.

You seek the truth too vigorously,

and we saw how that ended for Oedipus.

Sometimes you have to let life happen,

instead of picking it apart.

You aren't going to find a satisfying answer that way.

Only more and more questions.

3) You can't protect everyone.

Someone is going to get hurt,

especially now.

Probably multiple people.

But they will heal, learn,

and maybe even grow from it.

You have to stop trying to ease off the pain.

It gathers interest, you know.

The longer you bead around the bush,

the more the debt will grow.

You can't make them happy.

But you can make him happy.

4) Lastly,

and most importantly.

If you break him I will never forgive you.

I'm not saying if you hurt him I will hold a grudge,

or that fixing his heart will make you exempt.

I am saying that

If you you BREAK him,

I will never forgive you.

that is all,

for now.

I need you to save me from myself sometimes.

"Gina. Stop. Lets just cuddle, ok?"

"Ok."

You wrapped your strong arms around me

and spoke softly into my hair.

"I love you."

I felt it. I really did.

I'm addicted to your touch.

It is electrifying.

You make me feel alive.

Its really all come full circle, hasn't it?

We are all having re-runs of each other's past experiences.

Sharing the hatred towards the same girl.

Preaching to him how to keep from sinking---

when he taught me not so long ago.

You have one boy in the palm of your hand,

she has another ensnared around her fingers.

Two relationships falling apart,

Two being built.

Rationing one another's misery.

Lust,

Adultery,

Pride,

Sex,

Envy.

We are going through a relapse of some sort.

aren't we?

Like a brick to the face, it hit me.

Moments ago in Jenna's car, I realized:
We aren't kids anymore.
There is not just being a kid for us.
We can be irresponsible for the rest of our lives,
but being a kid is quickly fading.
When did everything change?
When did crushes and "liking" someone,
become searching for the one to sped the rest of your life with?
When did this all get so serious?

Blanket me in sleep.

Your arms form a security blanket
Around my slight body. Inhale your scent---
The strongest sedative, your pheromones.
Rhythmic breathing in and out lullabies,
Tickling my alabaster neck, delight
My drowsy thoughts. Your pallid skin
Bare against mine, pressing gently, you form
To the curves we conceive. Fitting like a
Puzzle piece. This lazy, languid lounging
Is perpetually tranquil. Iv'ry
For purity, scarlet for passionate
Love, violet elixir, Tempt me to:

A torpid state of saccharine dreaming,
Held safe against the dying of the light.

good night.

this weekend was lovely,
but too short.
i think there are many constructive,
beautiful,
yet possibly painful things
that have been set in motion.
it is going to get better.
for us.
for them.
for her.
for him.
we will all be happy
together.

Why is it that we all need to be loved, but when somebody finally says, "I love you," people just run scared?

Because we feel obligated to say it back, and that is scary—-even if we love that person. Because saying “I love you” makes it a real, tangible thing. It takes something so incredibly incomprehensible and forces you to acknowledge it. And by acknowledging it you accept the fact that loving that person—-inviting them into the deepest recesses of your heart—-gives them power. Power to destroy you, to break your heart and shatter your happiness. Power to tear you up, from the inside out, and to destroy your trust, faith, and hope. Or power to make you feel better than you ever have, to help you, fix you, make you better. Power to love you back and to create something impossibly beautiful among the chaos. And that is downright terrifying.

I can't. I really can't anymore,

I wanted you to be part of my family,
I've put up with your bull shit for two weeks.
I listened to you bitch about every little thing,
and I bit my tongue.
but I CAN NOT deal with it anymore.
You DON'T hurt my best friend like that.
I don't give a fuck if she is your ex girlfriend or not,
you have NO right.
I know you say shit out of anger,
stuff you really don't mean,
But a waste of time?
Fuck you, ok?
Fuck.
You.
She deserves so much better.

Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk?

I didn't mean to call you that.

Panicking. Heart pounding.
Wildly screaming out to you
with my eyes; searching
for a release.
Caught in my throat.
Bile rising.
Threatening.
Choking me out.
Someone help,
dislodge the lump,
the wadded mess,
grotesque budge,
of words I swallowed back
suffocated on.

To whom it may concern

I just want you to be happy.
You.
You.
and You too.
All of you.
Some of you might not deserve it in the eyes of others, but I think everyone deserves to be happy. No one deserves to have their heart pulled and tugged in every direction, irreparably torn and pinched to death. Everyone deserves happiness, someone to lean on, a second chance.
If you don't make a decision, you'll never know what you could have had. You are going to regret what you didn't do at the end of your life, rather than what you did wrong.
If you don't take a step back and breathe, you are going to confuse your heart. You know that isn't going to get you anywhere.
If you don't realize that your actions can build or destroy the ones you love, you are going to hurt someone. Bad. And that someone might never come back.
If you don't open your mouth, you are going to be eaten alive by the things you never said. The help you never asked for. The guilt you never confessed.
You are a valuable person. And I love you. I always will.
Please, be happy soon.
Love,
A person that cares.
The girl that loves you.
Your family.


P.S.
I sick of seeing everyone so broken.

Hypnosis

Real.
This is all real.
"It's really real."
Your hands caressed my skin
I breathed you in
This is real.
Our eyes locked
My heart slowed
This is real.
Force of the fact
knocked me off my feet,
knocked me out.
pushed me into an altered state
of consciousness. a different awareness.
seeing you for the first time.
opening up new eyes.
This is real.
you joined me under the spell.
"Holy shit.
This is real."
I'm fairly certain that time stopped moving.
The rest of the world ceased existing.
This is real.
"Its like I'm seeing you for the first time.
You are so beautiful."
Seconds slowed to a crawl.
I stopped breathing.
overwhelming
overpowering
an intense expression of emotion
i couldn't previously imagine.
In that moment,
I fell deeper in love with you.
This is real.

A Broken Vow

Tomorrow I want to tell him.
Will I though? Probably not.
I honestly don't want to ever tell him.
I don't want him to see me differently.
i'm so selfish.
he says he'll be understanding;
he says nothing will change.
but I know it will.
No matter how hard he tries,
he will be left with an altered judgement of me.
maybe that is for the better.
maybe that will knock me down
off the pedestal i'm on in his mind.
maybe he will be safer;
maybe he'll guard his heart from me.
these are all potentially good outcomes.
but i'm too selfish,
and i don't want that.
I want things to stay how they are.
i want him to be naive and innocent forever.
i never want to reveal my daemons to him---
or anyone for that matter.
i went so long without saying a word
(A YEAR AND A HALF!)
that they almost faded from memory-
during the day.
almost.
but not at night.
the ghosts and nightmares still haunted my sleep.
still do,
but rarely now.
after i told jenna,
much of the guilt was lifted.
confession professed,
i pondered telling more.
perhaps if everyone knew there would be no guilt.
and then i remembered.
i broke a heart.
maybe it was not a conscious awareness,
but his intuition saw me for what i was---
a blood sucking succubus.
and i can't have you believing that.
though it is true,
and you would be safer without me,
i want to keep you all to myself.
terrance,
one day i'm going to hurt you.
bad.
i'm going to break your big, fragile heart.
i don't know when.
i don't know how.
i don't know where.
but is going to happen,
and you are going to leave me.
because i don't deserve someone like you.
pure and perfect.
brimming with childish innocence.
"you are still mysterious to me.
you still have your hidden skeletons."
if only you didn't know there were skeletons.
i don't want you to know the real me.






almost two years ago to the date i took a vow of silence concerning certain events.
i broke it already, but have not shattered it.
i am now preparing to recount those memories in full fledged detail.

I'm tryinig to let you know that I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have


I wish it could be like that first night all the time.
I wish it would always be that novelty.
That lust
that need.

panic. panic. panic. panic. panic. panic. panic. panic.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror

i see a skeleton.

iv'ry bones protruding

cadaverous

emaciated

fragile

gangling

lanky

meager

scrawny

starved

undernourished

underweight

wan and wasted.

it sickens me,

that girl gazing back

with hallow eyes

and a waxy complexion.

i feel the wave of nausea,

aversion to the thought

of being so skeletal

so frail

grotesque

i want to puke

i want to run

do something

to make the ghastly

ghostly image

fade

The thing I hate most about Connie

is that I see myself in her.

I live a double life with my family, I fool my simple mother, I get scolded for doting on the mirror.

but most of all,

even after knowing who he really was---and what would happen to me,

I too, went willingly.

Raw Passion

Dear Terrance,

Right now you are sleeping soundly in the spare bedroom. Soundly and peacefully. Resting your head on my pillows and tangled in my sheets. I hope your dreams are as wonderful as I feel right now. Though I'd love to join you in sleep, I will be waking you up for breakfast in twenty minutes. Poached eggs and toast---our usual. I could get used to this, you know? Making you breakfast every day. Sleeping with you every night. Your body keeps me warm and your arms keep me safe. I sleep so well with you that afterwards I can hardly imagine every sleeping alone again.

Thank you for such a wonderful night. Being so close to you was what I needed most this week.

Sweet dreams my love.

What the hell am i getting myself into?

Again? Really?
Come on Gina,
figure it out.
it always starts like this.
You want to love him,
but you cant.
because you refuse to let go of the past.
This isn't fair.
For either of you,
but especially not for Terrance.
You're going to drag him though hell,
these next few months,
and in the end you'll realize
you. can't. love. him.
you can't make it though this
because you aren't strong enough.
you're so weak underneath it all.
and if you really cared about him,
you wouldn't torment him so.
you'd let him go.
before its too late---
but you've passed that point.
this isn't a simple crush anymore.
you're already starting a history
and you hardly know who he is!?
bad move.
you break everything you touch.

When my love swears that she is made of truth

“When my love swears that she is made of truth
I do believe her, though I know she lies,
That she might think me some untutor’d youth,
Unlearned in the world’s false subtleties."


i know i'm cheating, this shouldn't count as my "daily post", but i've skipped the past few days and i really have no time to write what is on my mind.
but i read this today in AP lit and it really jumped out at me. this is the first four lines of sonnet 138 by william shakespeare,
read it.
understand it.
enjoy it.


truth told at a slant.

You.

Terrance Joseph Christ.
You.
You are mesmerizing.
You've woven yourself
deep into my subconscious--
a difficult feat, no doubt.
Every thought is heavily laced
with your opiate.
your essence.
the drug you've got me hooked on.
i'm addicted, Terrance.
I think I love you.

part of me wants to destroy you.

the jealous part.

List

If i make a list, I might actually get something done.

so here goes nothing.

• DO HOMEWORK!
• -Finish portrait roll for photography
• -Finish product roll for photography
• -Do Nixon assignment for Hoffman
• -Write extra credit essay for Hoffman
• -Do the two "A Midsummer's Night Dream" papers
• -Find book ^^;
• -Study Spanish
• CLEAN ROOM
• -Go through random shit drawer(s)
• -Dust/Sweep/Vacuum. Hard core.
• -Wash windows and mirrors
• -Wash sheets/blanket/comforter
• Design red/white eye makeup for guard
• Buy folders, etc for guard
• Go to the library
• -Pay fines
• -Check out "A Tale of Two Cities"
• -Read this month's issue of "Teen Ink"
  
• --It's been a while...
• Figure out how not to get suspended..
• Buy sharpies
• Fuck bitches.
• Get money.
• Transfer shit from old computer to new one
• Save the bamboo plant
• go through pictures..
• finish off the jager
• have a party
• Send in some digitals to Walgreen's
• Spin
• Get better at slacklining
• Give TLC to nails
• Do pretty stuff with makeup
• Get a tan
• Get a hair cut?
• alkdnfonaosd
• ya knoe?
• download a youtube converter thingie
• bake?
• something?
• cakes?
• of the like?
• stop making a list?

All things to do within the next couple days..

*Items mentioned at the beginning of the list > items mentioned at the end of the list

Forget and Not Slow Down.

Living life in fast-forward.

Forget the rewind.

Never pausing.

Never stopping.

Too much playing.

I should take a break,

but I don't want to.

I can't slow down.

This is my launching pad,

to a less painful future.

Forget.

Drown it out.

Make new memories

(whether you remember them or not,

is not the point here.)

If I stop now I'm stuck.

I need to get ahead,

not catch up.

Something crazy is going to happen soon.

This summer will be

Wild.

Insane.

A constant party.

We will never die.

Forget,

And not slow down.

Fuck.

No.
No.
No no no no no.
Stop this shit right now.
It's not about me.
So fucking stop.
We're done with tears in this bedroom.
I swear to god...

....

Before I find out...

I'm going lose it if I'm not jr. captain.

I cried so hard last year. And I wasn't even eligible.

Uh-oh

I probably shouldn't have enjoyed that so much.
Fml.





Nothin but a woman.

Mistake?

I told someone.
Oh god.
I shouldn't have.
I thought I had learned to keep my mouth shut?
Apparently not.

Fuck.

Nights Like These

Nights like this one
I stay up too late.
I let my self remember.
I let my eyes spill,
tears stinging my cheeks.
All I feel is an incredible
urge
to kiss you.
A longing for your lips on mine.
One more time.
One last kiss.
Closure?
I never got it.
God damnit.
These lips are so empty
without your breath behind them.
Strengthening each syllable.
Giving the words purpose.
I'm making it.
I can get through the day.
I'm ok.
But I fear that without you
I'll never be more than ok.
I got into too much too fast,
and once you get a taste of love,
you can't give it up.
Its the strongest addiction out there.
Worse than any drug.
And on nights like this one,
I feel the withdrawls the hardest.
My body aches,
my stomach churns,
and I can't stop crying.
I'm a hopeless addict.

By the way, whomever said "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" had obviously never "loved and lost". Your argument is invalid. Without ever loving, there would be nothing to be hurting over. Dear author of this quote: You are an arrogant, unloved, dick. Fuck off and go tell your pansy bull shit to someone who cares.

I've been listening to too much music lately...

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best
---
The song comes on my Pandora,
Slow, sad, and full of emotion.
I can't help but think about you.
I had a simple dream last night
of you and i talking in the halls.
My head resting on your shoulder.
Hanging with our friends
and everything was right.
When I woke up I could have
sworn I felt your hand
resting on my side.
Unfortunately,
It was only a pillow.
Those little things are what I need.
I need to rest my head on someone,
and be held together when I'm losing it.
I need you to squeeze my hand
when I let my mind wander to far.
I need you where to keep me in check.
I can live without you,
but without you I'll be miserable at best.
---

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Because I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

While I'm at it, it might as well say this. I doubt you ever read this. You only read it once that I know of when we were together. What would make you look at it now? But anyways, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't have to voice to say it, and I'm to weak to actually be myself around you. What I'm apologizing for is my shell. I can't make it through the day without it but with it I'm so mean. And i hate it. I really do. Every second. I actually felt good when I said that shit to you earlier. I know it hurt (at least a little bit) but I felt accomplished for hurting you. Now I feel sick because that's not me! "Who I am hates who I've been." legit. It upsets me how nasty I've become and I case you ever read this, I'm truly sorry.

You are original. You are wonderful. You are a beautiful person.

Lets sail the seven seas and see what we sees

Me: I am NOT doing the fiction project. I have come to terms that it is just another project that I'll give up on, and I'm sick of giving up on things. I know that I'm just going to get excited for it the first couple days I have my book, and then I'll toss it in the corner and forget about it until the day before it is due. Then I'll rush through and I'll hate the finished project. Embarrassed with my work, I won't send it in and it will be a glorious waste of $25.
------
Abbey: Okay, first of all, I can't believe you gave up the Fiction Project for SUSHI. That is an abomination. And how is $25 dollars a glorious waste? Maybe it's a glorious waste for a ten year old, or a hobo in Detroit. But at some point or another you're going to have $25 dollars again, and you're going to have Sushi again. But one opportunity you're not going to have thrown at you every so often is the Fiction Project. I'm just saying, Gina, you're becoming way too ... intimidated by this. You know that someone out there is going to do it better than you, and you don't want that, so you're not going to stick to it. That's what you always do. If you're not the best, or in the running of being the best, you give up. Because if you can't reach perfection with what you're doing, you don't want to try at it at all. How is that any way to live? Maybe you should use this as a way to break free from that. Here is an opportunity before you, and no, you're not going to excel at it, but no one is asking you to excel at it. This is not a competition. You have to stop viewing everything as one. I can't persuade you into doing it, but I'm telling you, if you change your mind ... this would be good for you. AND YOU DO HAVE A LOT TO SAY YOU JUST THINK THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING TO SAY IT BETTER THAN YOU SO YOU'RE ACTING LIKE MOTHERFUCKING ARIEL LETTING YOUR VOICE SLIP AWAY AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT, DO YOU? SO SPEAK, JUST FUCKING SPEAK

Happiness In Ignorance

I wish I could go back,
Back before I knew better.
When fairies roamed the yard,
and every dew drop
was an Angle's tear---
crying over the beauty of life.
Back when I knew I was in trouble
if I was still at the park
and the streetlights flickered on.
And 'trouble' simply meant
"Next time you'll be grounded!"
And 'grounded' had no meaning.
When I'd run outside,
barefoot and screaming,
leaving the door wide open
everything behind me,
only to pick yellow weeds
and call them flowers.
When I'd play with the boys
and prove myself
as one of them.
Mud pies and Butterflies.
Simultaneously
Before there was a difference
between stories and lies
Before the line,
between reality and dreaming,
became tangible.
When catching minnows was a great adventure,
and the bad guys always lost the fights.
Before cap guns got replaced with the real thing.
When making a new friend
was as easy as saying,
"Hi! I'm Gina! Wanna play?"
When sleep came easily
after a long day of exploring.
And boys had cooties---
end story, end discussion.

in a world where innocence thrived
and guilt equated to eating a cookie before dinner
when if anything wasn't right
i could go outside and play pretend
for hours.
until it was better.
or until i forgot.

Take me back,
to the little girl
with long braided hair,
and calloused hands.
With stains on her t-shirt
and dirt on her face.
The little girl,
who believed she had the power
to change the world,
reverse the current.
The girl who believed in dreams,
and miracles
and fairy tales,
and true love.
The little girl that had everything figured out.
The little girl I used to be.

No Doubt

You had a bag of giant sized candy hearts.
I asked for one,
you fished around,
looking for the right words.
"Too bad,
they don't say
'Give me your paper'"
You joked,
finally choosing.
It read 'No doubt.'
"No doubt,
I need to copy"
I caved,
sliding over my warm-up,
as was routine.
I nibbled off part of the candy heart.
It dissolved in my mouth,
soft and mushy.
The table made a consensus:
The candy hearts were the most disgusting candy out there.
After a few minutes,
I nibbled off more of the heart.
Once again,
I gaged.
Randy asked,
"What the hell
is wrong with you?
That's gross."
And I replied,
"Its one of those things,
that's so bad that you hate it,
but once you stop,
it makes you want it more.
Even though it's really no good."
I was thinking along the lines of cigarettes.
But Randy shouted,
"Like your last relationship!"
Everyone laughed.
Maybe a little to hard.
You caught my eye.
I lost composure for a moment.
Confusion, longing, and need
flashed across my face.
And you stared back.
Large brown eyes like a horse.
Filling over with understanding.
Maybe even concern.
Locked with mine for a timeless moment.
I threw in the towel,
and I believe you did as well.
Fighting was useless now.
I don't doubt that you still care.
Be my bestfriend again?
No more doubt.

Few complex problems have simple solutions.

One Guarantee in Life.

change
new order
fresh paint
metaphorical
new beginnings
fresh start
break-ups
and
broken hearts
Welcomed change.
"Come, take me away.
Erase the past.
Offer me new."
Change came.
i detested it.
"I still love you,
but you know,
as well as I,
we changed.
Good-bye."
Eagerly I call upon change
though I am wholly stubborn,
and refuse to accept it.

June Races

In 5th hour today
I was overcome by loneliness.
God I fucking miss you.
For some reason,
I was taken back to MIS.
The day we got home from band camp,
I was angry.
I looked my worst.
And I had a constant headache.
(Which lead to a never ending stream of complaints)
We had our first "big fight"
Because I was stupidly jealous
The dancing with Katie
and not me
had made me realize:
I had no monopoly on you.
As strongly as I longed to be the only one,
I knew we were too young.
The other girls are
taller,
prettier,
funnier,
happier.
Why wouldn't you want them?
Why the hell would you chose me?
You apologized,
gave me the excuses,
but then you looked me in the eye.
And told me that you loved me.
And no other girl would get in the way of that.
What a load of bull shit, eh?
But I didn't know that then.
You held me in your arms,
as we sat in your dads truck
long past "lights out"
You just held me.
You held me to you.
You held me together.
And I held on.
By the end of the weekend,
You had suggested inviting
me
back to the June Races.
Picking up trash,
Dumping out bottles of chew,
and showering in "Porta-Kleen's"
Couldn't turn me away.
I joked that I'd never come back,
But I accepted the challenge.
And there was no doubt in my mind
That I wouldn't be back in June-
Sweating under the hot sun
Pink burned cheeks
No make-up
Reaking of bug spray.
The thought never crossed my mind,
that you'd stop holding me,
long before June.
Long before we could sleep under the stars
On muggy summer nights.
And stare into each other's eyes
whispering sweet nothings.
That's exactly what they are
Sweet.
But nothing.
They have no meaning.
Because life is forever changing.
Nothing has permanence.
Somehow,
You can stop caring for someone
that you once loved.
You can let others get in the way,
when you promised they wouldn't.
You can forget me.
But I can't forget you.

***Please don't think that this was easy.

I closed my eyes, willing away the images,

as I told Nathan a segment of my darkest secret.

I let the words flow, without hindrance.

I allowed the emotions to race back into my mind.

Raw terror.

I stopped blocking it.

because I knew I was safe now.

He listened to every word.

That was the hardest thing I think I've done as of late.

Secrets I've kept for too long kept hurting me.

I felt an actual release when I said it out loud.

It made it real, but it made it over with.

My breathing came easier.

The darkness faded out.

I made my mouth form the words I had sworn to never say.

And even though it was only a small fraction of the big picture,

Those words made all the difference.

From now on, I choose speaking over silence.

No matter how hard it may be.

I promise, to tell someone the whole truth.

Someday.

***And If I hurt you, Then I'm sorry

And yes,
I am sorry.
For everything
And I mean it,
so deeply.
So completely.
Every snide comment.
Every time I changed who I was,
And i listened to other people,
who told me how to act.

That's no way to act.
A bitchy girlfriend.
"He treats you bad,
You need to sass"
Ha, what lies.
Why did I listen?
I'm so stupid.

You treated me like a person,
for the first time in my life,
I didn't feel like a "woman."
I felt entitled to an opinion.
Until I started to act like a "woman."
Deservedly you treated me worse.
And I complained,
acted out more.
So I broke that bond
the special one I had with you.
I knowingly tore us apart,
as I listened to the whispers
of other voices.
Instead of my own,
Which I practiced silencing far to often.

Stupid Girl.

You've ruined every good thing that has ever come into your life.
You know this right?
The relationships you stained with secrets.
The memories tainted in blood.
And it really is all your fault.
Saying otherwise would be listening to those others again.

Have you learned yet?
You're apologies mean nothing.
He learned that quickly.
Now stop being selfish,
No one is going to believe you
when you say you'll change,
So don't ever expect to get it back.

Stop being so selfish.
Stop causing people pain.
Stop,
Before I have to stop you myself.