June Races

In 5th hour today
I was overcome by loneliness.
God I fucking miss you.
For some reason,
I was taken back to MIS.
The day we got home from band camp,
I was angry.
I looked my worst.
And I had a constant headache.
(Which lead to a never ending stream of complaints)
We had our first "big fight"
Because I was stupidly jealous
The dancing with Katie
and not me
had made me realize:
I had no monopoly on you.
As strongly as I longed to be the only one,
I knew we were too young.
The other girls are
taller,
prettier,
funnier,
happier.
Why wouldn't you want them?
Why the hell would you chose me?
You apologized,
gave me the excuses,
but then you looked me in the eye.
And told me that you loved me.
And no other girl would get in the way of that.
What a load of bull shit, eh?
But I didn't know that then.
You held me in your arms,
as we sat in your dads truck
long past "lights out"
You just held me.
You held me to you.
You held me together.
And I held on.
By the end of the weekend,
You had suggested inviting
me
back to the June Races.
Picking up trash,
Dumping out bottles of chew,
and showering in "Porta-Kleen's"
Couldn't turn me away.
I joked that I'd never come back,
But I accepted the challenge.
And there was no doubt in my mind
That I wouldn't be back in June-
Sweating under the hot sun
Pink burned cheeks
No make-up
Reaking of bug spray.
The thought never crossed my mind,
that you'd stop holding me,
long before June.
Long before we could sleep under the stars
On muggy summer nights.
And stare into each other's eyes
whispering sweet nothings.
That's exactly what they are
Sweet.
But nothing.
They have no meaning.
Because life is forever changing.
Nothing has permanence.
Somehow,
You can stop caring for someone
that you once loved.
You can let others get in the way,
when you promised they wouldn't.
You can forget me.
But I can't forget you.