I don't think you realize how much of an intricate part in my life you have become. When I said you were my world, I meant it. One year, three weeks, and one day is more than enough time for someone to wiggle their way deep into your life. You can't just be wrenched out. It isn't going to work that way. I couldn't even cry in peace today. Every where I looked there was something that made me think of you. The paper flower and "stuffed animal" (i.e. dog toy) on my book shelf. The charm you got me for our one year on my window sill. The last rose of the trio still in the vase on my dresser. And just yesterday I put together a collage for my wall along my bed. Many of the pictures in it are of you and me. I didn't clean up so there were pictures scattered all over of us. I couldn't escape it. I felt suffocated by the immensity of it. How the hell am I supposed to wake up in the morning knowing your not mine? What do I do with the accumulation of items and photos? How do I bar myself from the memories?
How do I stop crying?
I'm a wreck with out you. I don't understand how I can even go through the day tomorrow. Whats going to happen if I don't get you back? I can't see a future for me without you. I've lost so many friends from spending all of my time with you. And the ones I still have are your friends too. How is this going to work without being awkward? Because I'm not loosing them too. I refuse.
I never believed I could feel so completely broken.
I can't be fixed.
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