***And there was hope in me that I could take you there.

I wanted to tell the stories,
tell the truth.
But sadly,
I can no longer discern which is which.
Truth or lie?
Does it really matter?
I try and focus on one cause,
But there were many intermingled,
and some of them I have forgotten.
All this time I've tried to forget,
And now I shoot for memories--
Not to reminisce,
But to teach from--
and they are blurred.
Perhaps this is a good thing,
for me,
but all I want is to help you.
I don't want to see
a repetition of what happened to me.
And I'm not talking about violence.
I'm talking about the emotional destruction,
the insecurity and paranoia.
That you may or may not recognize now,
but surely it will get to you.
I know you may feel
helpless, out of control, confused.
But you do have control.
Its hardest to grasp it,
because everything else is pushing it out.
Memories, thrill, hypersensitivity,
(to a particular person caused by the forbidden aspect of it)
But you do have it.
The hardest thing to do is the right thing.
If this means cutting all ties,
feigning hatred so he doesn't try to talk to you.
Do it.
It will hurt like a bitch.
The familiarity,
daily ritual,
will be interrupted.
But it has to be done.
The one who loves you most
has given you many second chances.
He is hoping against hope
That you will stop.
He cares for you,
much too deeply for his own good.
Loosing this will hurt infinitely more than loosing the other.
I know this is becoming poorly worded,
but listen to me,
please.
I am always here for you.
Day, night, and anytime in between.
Replace your chats with him,
with chats with me.
I'll do everything in my power,
and beyond,
to help you in any way you need.
I am devoted,
100%,
to you.
My friend,
My secret bearer,
My Aries sister.
Keep in mind:
"I remain
Mistress of mine own self
and mine own soul."
-Alfred Lord Tennyson

You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for.