Good Night, Sweetdreams.

Laying there, in my bed, I was freezing. It had to have been atleast 70 degrees in my room, but that would not shake the chill that had overcame me. I layed on top of my blanket, in a tight ball. I didn't have the energy, nor the will power to go beneath the covers. Perhaps I would have been warmer, but I doubt it. My body was simply not producing heat, or any other form of energy for that matter. Jumbled thoughts flooded my mind, but I couldn't concentrate enough to separate the strings words into something coherent. I only caught small fragments of my mind-chatter (but I honestly wasn't bothering to try), as I stared at the walls of my room. It became increasingly darker. Light drained from my bedroom slowly, although it didn't seem as though I had been laying there that many hours. Soon, the only light was from the street lamp outside my window and my alarm clock.
"Are you going to eat anything?" My mother shouted from the kitchen. "No." I thought. I was going to lay there, just lay there, as long as I possibly could. If I could stay there forever, and just watch the lighting of my room dim and grow, I would have. Every fiber in my body was telling me it would be better for me to lie there and waste away.
"Get down here now and eat something!" She demanded after no reply from me. Slowly and reluctantly I hauled my self up. My phone was blinking its little read light that meant I had a message. I picked it up, remembering I had been texting Jake, Liv, and Emily before I zoned out. Jake's last text read:

"=( ily it'll be ok"

My mind was fuzzy and I didn't understand what the message meant. I read back, over the messages before I had disappeared into a daze. I had told Jake how awful I felt. How I wanted to curl up in a hole and die. How I felt cold and as though I was about to vomit thought the majority of the day. How I was finally happy, really truly happy for almost a whole week and how it all came crashing down on me suddenly. None of this quite registered with me. I was numb to the world. I send Jake a short text, only reading his name and a question mark. When he replied I would tell him that I loved him. At that moment the only thought I could process well was telling me I needed to let Jake know I loved him. A whisper trailed behind that thought saying "Just in case something happens to you, he'll know you love him..."
I didn't grasp the maliciousness of that thought. It just lingered, welcomingly, as I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. I made a plate and sat down, staring into space. My mother told me to eat, so I did. I still don't quite know what I had for dinner. Everything tasted the same. It was all absolutely plain with relatively similar textures. I picked apart the food with my fork. My mother told me to cut it and set a serrated blade---one a set we bought from Ikea last year---on my plate. For some ungodly reason, I knew that blade. Out of it's several other identical siblings, I knew that blade.
I shuddered and washed my food down with some liquid (I believe that was milk). After retiring my dishes to the dishwasher, I sat down at my computer. I let my fingers tell today's story, typing it without much thought on my part. The words flowed like rushing water on to the computer screen. Presently, I sit here. Mind awakening bit by bit. Piecing together the today. Not quite understanding what happened. I only remember fragments---a sickly feeling lingering throughout the day, snow, blankets, music, sobbing, apologizing. Maybe I'll be able to sort out how much is just in my mind and how much is reality after some sleep.
Good night, sweet dreams.