Is it possible to change your memories?
I've been accused of that recently.
I hated myself
So fully.
So completely.
So all encompassing.
For what I did.
But it was done in fear.
Wasn't it?
That is the only reason I let him.
Because I was afraid.
Wasn't I?
Terrified of the machine before me.
The toned muscle.
This sick mind.
The angry demands.
My excuse was fear,
As far as I remember.
But was there more?
Did I really want it?
Did I intice the behavior?
Did I ask for it?
Thats not how I remember.
But bile rose in me when you mentioned
You remembered it differently.
The hate,
Guilt,
Shame
I felt.
Did it change my recolection?
Is that how I survived it?
By changing the past?
To fit my reasoning?
I don't think I can deal with knowing the truth, if the truth is not how I recall. If I'm wrong, and I allowed those events to occur willingly, I don't deserve this wonderful life I have, for then this life is a lie. Where do I really belong? Right in the middle of this LiE?
You can always manipulate your memories. It's how I cope. Not saying it's healthy. But it's possible.
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