***Its always you in my big dreams.

Scenarios. Hundreds of them. I thought it all out. This day was going to be perfect. I was hoping, against hope, you would do something I didn't see coming. Something cute, touching, charming. I dreamt we would spend the entire day together. Morning till night. You would hold me and whisper into my ear how you feel about me. We'd fall asleep for a couple hours in each others arms. Maybe watch a movie or two. We'd just be together, feeding off each others presence.

But dreaming is for sleeping. And reality is for being awake. The reality that this isn't perfect---not even close. The reality that we could hardly spend a couple hours together on our one year. The reality that you would rather invite Lakin and Brandon over than be alone with me.

The reality that we just don't work together.

As much as I want to, and as much as I can dream about it, I don't see us going further. Maybe we'll be together for a long time to come. Its possible we could last this whole year. But I don't see us advancing. I think you've reached your stopping point. I don't think you can grow with me more. As well as I don't think you could love me further.

I love you and I will wait. I will be patient and stand by you forever. I have no problem with waiting for you to mature. But if you aren't going to, if this is it, I need to know. Not a second waiting would be wasted if there is a future for us, but if there isn't... Well then I don't think I can dream much longer.

***But I'm slipping in between you and your big dreams.

Its like a wave crashed over me. My feet are rooted to the sand but the watter is pulling me forward. I can't move though. Its just tugging at me. Then the undertow draws it back, pulling me in another direction.
That's how I feel right now. This college stuff is too much to take in. I don't want to think about it right now. Kathy, you are doing too much. Setting me up to shadow Mel at NASA? That's unreal. Awesome. But unreal. I appreciate it, I really do. I'm just feeling overwhelmed.
Everyone needs to take a step back from me. I can't handle every one's dreams of me being a surgeon or a lawyer being shoved down my throat anymore. I'm going to follow my own dreams. Not yours. Leave me out of your thoughts for now.

***And I don't understand all the things you've seen.

It has been far too long since we have hung out. What happened? We were inseparable as kids. More like brother and sister than cousins. It seems when I lived three hours away we saw each other a hundred times more often than we do now, when I'm practically right down the street. Two years without seeing each other hasn't made it easy. You've changed. Grown up. And I don't like it. I know I have also, but its hard to accept. What happened to the days of us sitting in Aunt Barb's living room eating happy meals and whining that we both got girl toys?
I actually saw that picture when we were unpacking. My eyes watered. Uncle Mike was the glue that held this family together, wasn't he? Now we've all taken our separate paths. Seen new things. Had new experiences. It's shaped us all differently. I hate to say it but I don't feel like we are a family anymore. Just a group of people forced to be civil with each other.

What made you change from that little boy? The one in the spider man suit. The one who wanted us to become famous salsa dancers? Now it's screamo music and silence. Dyed hair and a car to go wherever you want. I missed something important.

Pick me up next time you go for a drive. Lets order two happy meals and talk about the past. Then we'll get everyone together once more. Lets be a family again.

***When the lights are turned down low.

We become one.
A soft embrace in a chilling tempest.
All else fades away.
You are mine.
all mine.
And I'm yours.
Every fiber of my being
is yours.
I feel the concaves and ridges
of your body.
You caress my shoulders
and all the tension melts away.

As close to perfection
as one can be.
In this moment,
You and me.

***I can't imagine all the people that you know, or the places that you go.

Strawberry blonde curls frame your face. Messy ringlets cascade over your shoulders. They pool around a lackluster orange knit hat. Your muted beauty is a perfect match to the mellowed out vibes of the Kaya Coffee House. Its like its atmosphere has shaped your being---or did you shape the aura of this place? The freckles on your face are abstractly artistic. Your cloudy green eyes have seen just about everything, haven't they?



I want to start a conversation with you---get to know you and your story. I say hello but I can tell I sound like an outsider to you. A silly little teen who doesn't know who or what she is talking to or about. "Do you have any, uhm, specialty lattes?" I ask in a fleeting attempt to start a discussion.



"Yeah, right there." You wave unmindfully at the black-board menu behind you. I blush, embarrassed. You probably think I'm stupid. I already saw the menu, and I read it through. I was just hoping for some input from you. I proceed to order a Love Potion #9. You make change without giving me a second glance. I sip my latte and you go outside for a smoke.



The walls are clothed in art, yet somehow it isn't cluttered. I read a newspaper cutout about you. You make backpacks and for each one you sell, you give one away to a child in need. That makes me smile. People helping people. I read some poems on the walls. One is about the Kaya itself. "I walk the grass and avoid the sidewalk."



The bus honks outside to signal the students to load up. My time here is done. All too soon. Hopefully I'll return within the year to walk among the grass with you.

A breath of wind.

Your lips are a whispered wind caressing my cheek. A soft breeze or a violent gale, it can change in an instant. Tempting. Coaxing. Blowing me in different directions and then switching abruptly. I stumble keeping up, blown in circles from a perfect tornado. I create my own storm. Pushing back. Probing for the responses I want. Sometimes our breaths coalesce and become one air mass of its own. Keeping perfect time with the currents in our stratosphere.



And other times the silence from our mouths clashes and creates a frightening tempest. Caught off balance I am ripped from your arms. The whirlwind throws us every which way-closer and apart-but we remain silent. Closed lipped and bearing fake smiles. The strength of the wind behind our lips will only grow in intensity. We can't keep on like this or we will be blown apart forever. But my greatest fear is to open my mouth, for that would unleash the full blast of this gale. Now after waiting so long will we be able to withstand its hurricane strength force? I know that tempest will be abrupt and when it is over all will be calm. But what if you are blown away? I don't think I will be able to keep even the slightest breeze in my lips after that.

Konstantine Challenge

So it seems, I cannot get this song out of my head. Every time I listen to it I find more meaning behind it. No matter what situation I am in there is always a lyric that fits perfectly into that moment. I've chosen to work this to my advantage. Starting from the beginning of the song, I am going to use each line as a title for a blog. Now obviously I am not going to make 15 separate blogs for "Did you know I missed you?". If a line is repeated it only gets one post. That goes for the chorus too. I will only make additional posts for the chorus when it changes slightly. Also, titles may include more than one line if they go directly together. Its mostly common sense.
Rules?

• The blog must relate in someway to the title, whether it be a poem, journal, short-story, or photo blog. Fiction or Non-fiction. (I have a feeling most of these posts will be non-fiction, story-of-my-life kind of things. As usual.)
• No more than 48 hours may pass between posts
• More than one post can go up in a day
• Non "Konstantine Challenge" related blogs may also be posted during the duration of this challenge.
• "Konstantine Challenge" posts will be distinguished by a "*" prior to the title.
• I begin tomorrow.

Wish me luck. This will be the fist blog-challenge I've ever done. And I don't think I've ever posted more than 10 blogs in one month. This could be interesting...

No, this WILL be interesting.

***Konstantine-Something Corporate***