Never Again.

You can't. Can. Not. ask me not to be strong.
I know you want me to let my guard down,
you want me to be myself around you.
And that is perfectly ok.
But being "strong" is a part of me.
Asking me to let that go is as good as asking me to stop breathing.
You saw that Sunday night. 
I swear that will NEVER happen again.
I have never broken down like that.
And I never want to feel that helpless again.
Please understand that I am ok,
As long as I can deal with it my own way,
in my own  head.
 The moment I let that control slip,
crying out, shedding a tear, catching my breath,
That's when the demons become real.
And I will not allow that.
Ever.
Please understand,
You can't ask me to let it go.
I can't afford to have another break down,
Because I'm afraid I might not come back.

i know it isn't much,

but i love you.
and i am sincerely excited for our lives together.
whether it be one quick week, or one long lifetime.
we have so much potential bubbling under our skin.