Sick

Your sick.
That's the only word I can think of right now do describe you. What kind of person says those things to their own child? Especially when they know how unstable that child is? When its genetic, from you? And don't you dare turn around and act like there is nothing wrong like you always do. Don't you dare deny it. You know better then anyone else that I have your disease. You know that its treatable, but you cancel my appointments. I understood then that we couldn't afford it but now, its a different story. Dad is back to work and he's working his ass off. A single day off since he went back to work at the end of November? Now that's dedication. And he wouldn't be doing that if it wasn't for you. If he hadn't started a family and needs the money. He could take some time off but he wants you to be well off and never have to struggle. Can't you see this?? Can't you see how much he loves you? Even when he doesn't show it all the time. Now he's sleeping on the couch, completely exhausted from all he goes through. And you scream at me that you can never talk to him? Is it my fault now that this family is crumbling? Is it now? Go ahead, go praise the dog and call me worthless in the same sentence. Its okay because I don't care anymore. I just want you to get some help because you really need it. I don't know what to do about it though. Maybe you should get back on your pills or something. I have no idea. All I know is that this HAS to stop, because I can't take it another second.



[[You've pushed my long past my breaking point, and I can't take it anymore]]

I can't have children...

Because my child would be a son. His name would be Isaac Cole. He would the size of a water bottle, the end.

post bitch
this was like... last january.

My heart longs for so many things...

A sloppy wet kiss from the one I love.

A whisper in my ear.

A day spent without a care,

And just a single tear.

A broken record of I love you's,

and "I'll never go away."

And for it all not to end,

When late night turns to day.

I'll feel a warm breeze lift my hair,

And then I'd like to fly.

I'll wish for just another day,

And never say good-bye.

For the sun would shine,

and the clouds would pour,

As I danced in the rain.

And I would hope,

Oh I would pray,

That my daydream would remain.

As I lay here and my heart pounds,

longing for so many things,

I'll sit and lie awake at night,

Enveloped in the pain it brings.

Because broken hearts will still beat,

and open minds won't stop dreaming.

So I'll just stay here another day,

And you won't hear my silent screaming.

An Unforgetable Dream...

Months ago, the night had started off just like any other night. Always tried but sleep wouldn't come for at least an hour. The fist part of the night was uneventful, as I slept through a quiet blackness. That was when I felt it.
A light pressure was on my throat, slightly restricting my ability to breathe. My eyes shot open as I was startled out of my sleep. I was surrounded by a dirty whitish yellow light. It pulsed with an evil energy. My senses were not gone though---I could still feel around. I touched the soft sheets and my half-finished homework still lying on my bed. What was going on?
"I am not dreaming." The thought echoed in my head. Something was going happening, and it was beyond my power. It was physical, not just a figment of my imagination.
As I came upon this realization the pressure took a slight increase. The pressure felt almost like hands, although they were slightly less solid. Undefined yet still there. Another increase in pressure. My breath began coming in short, difficult gasps. Something was choking me, that I was sure.
My airway was now completely blocked. Not a single wisp of air could get to my lungs. The light grew dark around the edges as I slipped from conciseness. Slowly the light was fading into the dark.
"DEMON!" The word screamed through my mind. For the smallest of moments I struggled to think of what to do. "PRAY!" was the almost immediate answer. I clumsily pulled my hands into a fold. I couldn't think straight enough to just cry out to God so my mind immediately began reciting 'The Lord's Prayer,' for it was the first (and only) bible prayer I had memorized.
Near the end of the prayer my words started to mush together in my mind. My lungs burned and the pressure was strong, crushing my neck and upper chest.
"Amen." The light that I still could see grew burnt orange. It wavered as if it was fighting something. Then the pressure abruptly pulled away. I could still feel it, but it wasn't strong. It now felt like something resting on my chest, no longer pushing down. I felt it slink down my body all the way to my toes.
I gasped relentlessly, letting air pour into my empty lungs. My vision returned the second I filled my lungs. I spent a few minutes catching my breath. Soon after I as flooded with thoughts about what had just happened. I was overwhelmed by the experience and I did not know what to think of it. All I knew was I now believed that demons where real. And nothing would change that.